


Draco's Mom Has Got It Goin' On

by charlotteschaos



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Drabble, Dubious Consent, Necrophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-03-26
Updated: 2007-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-27 10:11:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10807008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlotteschaos/pseuds/charlotteschaos
Summary: The Hogwarts chapter of MILF implodes before it is even formally started.





	Draco's Mom Has Got It Goin' On

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

It all started when Draco Malfoy was summarily booted from Slytherin House (for his own safety) for shagging Blaise Zabini's mum. While high-fives were much more prevalent in the Common Room than anger, Snape had wanted to tap that, so Draco found himself with a sleeping bag on the floor of the Great Hall.  
  
After hearing the rumors of Malfoys greatest prank and steepest fall to date, Harry donned his Invisibility cloak and scampered down to the Great Hall. Perhaps this would be his chance to finally get into Malfoy's good graces or alternately get him out of his system. He crouched over the purple emergency sleeping bag and tenderly slid his fingers through the fine, white hair.  
  
Draco sniffled, "I didn't mean to do it. She was just� there. She had on this belt and these really tiny pants and what kind of bloke can say no to suspenders?" He looked up miserably at Harry, not even seeming to care that his arch nemesis was providing comfort.  
  
Before Harry could stop it, the words spilled out. He looked at the pathetic little face, all pink and pinched from crying and saw it go razor sharp with fury. "You WHAT?"  
  
"I shagged your mum. I didn't mean to� I just invited her to Hogsmeade, I thought that she could give me tips on getting you to�" he looked shifty. Well, he hadn't asked her directly how to get Draco to suck his cock, but that had been the main goal at the time. "She looks quite like you, you know."  
  
Harry saw stars from the punch that had landed across his cheek. He was just about to retaliate when he felt arms yanking him back and saw freckled arms around Draco, pulling him from his bag, although he was still kicking through it. He wasn't sure who had a hold of him (although he shouldn't have been surprised half of Gryffindor had shown up to his aid, as most of them wanted in his pants if not Draco's) until he heard the Irish brogue, "We're all on about the MILF's, Malfoy. It's like a club. I shagged McGonagall."  
  
Draco stopped his frantic kicking, looking quite ill. Behind him, Ron looked baffled. Harry also stilled, "Mate� she's not a mother. She's never even been married."  
  
Seamus scanned the room for someone else to say something (with a special appeal to Dean, whom he knew had drunkenly bagged Mrs Weasley, but there was really only so much one could expect a mate to divulge-- especially in front of Ron) as his blush grew. He was saved by a blinding flash, followed by another. The boys covered their eyes against the onslaught of sudden light.  
  
Colin giggled and then paused to empty his roll, winding it back slowly, the click of the film winder echoing in the mostly-empty room. The other boys looked at him with mild irritation for being blinded, but Colin didn't seem to notice. He was staring dreamily up at the enchanted sky, breathless to reveal his own experience. "I shagged Harry's mum."  
  
The room was quiet, even as Draco yanked his shoulders free of Ron's embrace. They looked at one another and then all eyes eventually settled on Harry. "Er, Colin� my mum's dead."  
  
Letting out a wistful sigh, Colin nodded his agreement and whispered, "Oh� I know."  
  
Thus, the first (and last) meeting of Hogwarts's (unformed) MILF club ended in bloodshed.  



End file.
